ROB FORD READY TO INVADE IRAQ:
TORONTO – Rob Ford declared war on city council yesterday in a bizarre yet all too regular meltdown by the now Mayor in name only. Comparing the situation to Saddam Hussein invading Iraq. The speech was inspired by George Bush Senior’s famous address to the nation back in 1990. Critics of Ford, and there are many, can only assume the crack smoking fat slob meant that in 20 years his bumbling son will be Mayor and then occupy City Council.
ZIMMERMAN’S BACK IN THE BIG HOUSE:
APOPKA – Barely four months after he was acquitted in the fatal shooting of an unarmed black teenager that spurred demonstrations across the country, George Zimmerman was arrested Monday in Florida following a dispute with his girlfriend, the authorities said. Zimmerman has been charged with domestic aggravated assault, domestic battery and criminal mischief towards his girlfriend, Samantha Scheibe. Scheibe told investigators she wasn’t sure what triggered Zimmerman’s outburst since she had only told him they were having fried chicken and waffles for dinner and she wasn’t cooking anything else. But hey – she was just standing her ground!
WOMAN MARRIES FERRIS WHEEL:
ORLANDO – A woman married to a giant Ferris wheel called Bruce has renewed her vows to the inanimate object. Linda Ducharme legally married the theme park ride last year in Florida, a state in which same sex marriage is illegal. The vow renewal, conducted by a non denominational priest who resigned from the Catholic Church over his role in the ceremony. Attendees at the wedding noted their disgust at the five ‘fun ticket’ gift minimum as the amusement park sells tickets in fours.
ELIZABETH BERKLEY CAN’T STAND FEMINIST CHARACTERS:
LAS VEGAS – Wardrobe injustice? It’s been twenty years since the series ended, but Elizabeth Berkley still gets upset when looking back at the outfits she had to wear on the 1989 TV series Saved by the Bell. During an appearance on Bethenny Frankel‘s talk show, Bethenny, on Tuesday, the 41-year-old actress complained about the unsexy costumes she had to wear to play brainy feminist Jessie Spano. To which Bethenny enquired “You were a brainy feminist on that piece of shit? Can we just show a clip of Showgirls now?” Or Screech’s sex tape.